Things I've learned in 18 years that I’d like to share with everyone else.

Take things seriously, but don't act serious about them.
I have found that acting serious about things only made me really stressed out. That doesn’t mean that you should live your life carelessly with no thoughts for others. It means that…when your best friend tells you she’s having a life or death surgery…don’t shrug it off and say “what ever”…but don’t worry yourself sick when nothing has happened yet.

Forgive
Holding grudges does no good what so ever for anybody. It only deepens your wound, and hurts other people. You can sit for 5 years in pain, misery and anger…and you will age twice that. Your friends and family will hurt because they see you hurting. The person whom you hold a grudge on may want to ask your forgiveness, but is too scared of your anger to strike up the subject.

Love with your whole heart
It can be scary, to put your heart out to other people. You might be afraid that you’ll be hurt, that you’ll be taken advantage of. Here’s a fact. You will. No matter what you do, no matter how well you shield yourself, how much you close yourself in, how much caution you take…you will be hurt, and someone will take advantage of you. Consider taking the little dramas here and there, for the life of love. Would you rather hurt…or be lonely for the rest of your life. It’s not just being lonely…it’s being alone with yourself. Only love you put out will return to you.

There’s a reason it’s called a “crush”
You’re sitting in class, and he walks in. Your heart stops, you get nervous, you find yourself feeling ridiculous for whatever reason…you try to hide yourself, but in such a position as where you can see him. You try to listen to him, to know every little detail in his life…sometimes you make them up. You find yourself writing his name in hearts, or in some kind of letter art. You think of happily ever after. You think he’s a dream. You think he’s the greatest thing since anything. This. Is. Not. Love. This is a crush. A crush is defined as
“An overwhelming amount of pressure upon an object or person.”
All other definitions are negative outcomes. It will happen. Your heart is not broken, it’s simply embarrassed. It’s perfectly ok to have a crush; in fact it’s inevitable. Just don’t take it to heart when suddenly he’s not in shining armor riding a white horse asking to take you off to his castle. (and for guys, same thing…just insert “she” and instead of white horse insert whatever it is that you picture and take out writing names in art and all those girly things…I’m not a guy so I have no idea what a guy crush is like)


If you can’t picture yourself marrying someone and everything that comes after…don’t bother making a “romantic relationship”
This isn’t to say that dating for fun is wrong. In fact it’s great, you should play the game. But if you’re suddenly husband/wife hunting or wanting a deeper more meaningful relationship…don’t try someone who you can’t picture yourself marrying, or having kids with. You’re only wasting your time, and his or hers. It’s awkward, but it’s true. If you’re searching for a deep serious relationship that you want to really go somewhere far into the future…you need to consider “marriage” and “sex”. If you can’t picture “doing it” with said person…you need to reconsider your “deeper relationship”. Because if marriage does come. Eventually so will sex, or it might just come of it’s own accord. It might be strange for me to say this since I’m “only 18”…but I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now…and I wish that in my past “serious relationship” I had considered all of this because I would have broke it off MUCH sooner, I had no plans on marrying and I plan to hold out until I’m married.

If you have a best friend of the opposite sex, do yourself a favor…. don’t ask them out
It might be tempting. Highly tempting. But don’t do it. PLEASE. Spare yourself. It will only end in awkward moments…if you have a good best friend, they’ll completely forget about it. Just because you work well together as best friends, DOES NOT mean you will ever do well on a date together. It’s true that men and women can’t be “just friends”…we’re completely opposite sexes…but that doesn’t mean that you should risk losing a friend because you were curious. If you’re SURE that he/she has feelings for you…go ahead. If he/she does, he/she will probably make them known in little ways….but if it’s a walk the fence thing….they probably don’t have any feelings for you and you’re just making it up. If you can’t help yourself….be prepared to take the consequences should it not end the way you want it. You may even be happy with the answer “no” and find yourself saying “wow that was really stupid”.

Stuff that’s stressing you out right now, probably won’t matter in 5-10 years
Things that are happening right now are SO important aren’t they? They’re just the world. If they don’t work themselves out, life will end…right? Wrong. They are important to you now…but if you find yourself getting sick over little stressful daytime dramas…just remember…5 years from now you’ll be 5 years older and it won’t matter.

Make the friends you have family
Don’t waste your time trying to fit in with the cool people, the popular people or the people you think you need to befriend to be “hot shit”. Don’t change anything about the way you are to fit in with others. Be who you are, and people who are like you will some how find their way into your life. They’ll be your family. They’ll love you for you, they’ll take you in your hard times, your dark times, your good times, your great times. Don’t settle for the petty high school status. Be around people who make you happy, make you feel good about yourself, and (at least try to) understand you. Be around people who will listen to you, people you can trust. Be around people who trust you. Make family with people who won’t desert you in your hour of need, and remember that at some point they will need you as well. Make friends with people who, when you do something wrong and fall, won’t laugh at you…they’ll help you get up and say “It’s cool, I understand” and help you move on. Be friends with people who forgive you, and remember that at some point you will have to forgive them as well. Your friends are the family you choose.


Avoid abusive relationships…all kinds, not just romantic
This is so simple it’s not even funny. If someone is using you, hurting you, making you feel bad about yourself…don’t stick around. You don’t have to. They can hold nothing against you that will really matter. Don’t be scared to leave, just do it. Don’t offer excuses if they don’t ask. If they ask, tell them simply and politely “Look, you’ve been ect ect and I’m hurt. I’m fed up. I’m leaving.” They might say “Please I won’t do it again” ….it’s possible that if this is new behavior from them…that there might be something deeper…but if this is the way they always act, and if you’ve told them before that it hurts…….LEAVE. Don’t waste your time thinking it’ll get better. They don’t need you to feed their behavior. A cut off will be a slap in the face to them, and will help them better then you sticking around giving them sympathy.

Do something good for someone every day
It doesn’t matter if it’s a big thing or a little thing...it doesn’t matter if they know or if it was anonymous. Just do it, and do it with your heart. In the words of Danny Kaye, one of the most loving men in history “When you lay your head on your pillow a the end of the day…you can smile…and say ‘I did something nice for somebody.’ You’ll get up warm, refreshed and invigorated.” It’s true. If you pass on a little kindness, perhaps that person will pass it on to another person, and so on and so forth. Don’t do it thinking “if I do this I’ll get something in return” Just do it…because making someone else smile and feel just a little bit better…is the greatest reward. Make the color return on their rainy day, or just widen their smile.

Play every day
I don’t care how old you are, I don’t care what your profession is, I don’t care how important you think you are or how serious you think you have to be….there is nothing like playing. Go for a walk and run every 15 steps. Walk backwards. Sit upside down. Make faces with your food. Draw on your belly. Play with your puppy. Play with your kids, your siblings, your cousins. Nothing makes you feel more like a kid then playing with an actual kid. And trust me, they’re experts. When you read a book, say the lines out loud and make up the voices. Mute the TV and make up your own lines. Put food dye in your food…make pink milk and pretend it’s from pink cows…make purple milk and pretend it’s from purple cows. Avoid making yellow milk…because you will suddenly find yourself not wanting to drink it. Make green eggs and ham. Play your instrument badly, on purpose…and in front of somebody. They’ll sit through it smiling, and you have the pleasure of watching them. Get yourself into a giggle fit, it’s fun. Make faces with shaving cream. Doodle on your paper, it’s a great stress relief. Watch a movie in a language you don’t understand without subtitles. Make bubbles in your drink. Just do something silly and fun every day. Play every day. It’s great for your mind, your heart, and your health. Engage others in your games, they might just learn to have a good time.



Always say please and thank you to people, especially waiters/waitresses
You have no idea how good it will make them feel, and by seeing them smiling you’ll smile too. How would you feel if in your job people treated you like you were invisible? Like the drinks just refilled themselves, and the food just magically appeared. They take the time pay attention to your exact wants and are friendly to you. Do you know how hard it is to smile at someone when you’ve had a crappy day….but you HAVE to because it’s your job? Don’t make it their job to smile, make it a surprise that they’re smiling. They get minimum wage too, worse than minimum wage. Their primary money comes from tips. A simple please, and a simple thank you will brighten them and your service will be better. Say please and thank you to other people too. It will mean the world to them like you have no idea. Don’t you wish someone would say thank you every time you did a household chore?

Always look people in the eye
If there is something that I can’t stand…it’s when people don’t look me in the eye when they’re talking to me. It makes me feel disrespected. Granted, some people are uncomfortable being looked at in the eye so don’t do it intensely. Look at them with respect, and like you’re actually concerned with what they’re saying…whether or not you are.

Listen to people
This follows the above. Listen to people. Even if it’s boring, even if you don’t care. If someone has chosen you as someone to talk to…that means they trust you. Don’t be rude or ignore them. Most people just want someone to listen to them, and treat their words like they mean something. Just by listening to someone, you could lift their spirits, ease their burdens, or save them from hurting themselves…or hurting others. I find that if I talk about my problems to someone, my anger usually dies down and I feel better about the situation….and I don’t end up lashing out at the people who upset me…or take it out on other people who didn’t have anything to do with the situation. If you can’t take it…just tell them politely “Listen, I am concerned with what you’re telling me but I just can’t take it right now. Please don’t be insulted.” Don’t just say “SHUT UP GOD ALMIGHTY WILL YOU SHUT UP!” That’ll hurt them.

Don’t hurt people
Why spend your time hurting people? Don’t you hate it when someone hurts you? What makes you think it’s any different for them? Even if someone lashes out at something that you told him or her in confidence, don’t lash back. It will only worsen the situation. If you’re so upset that you can’t help but say something rude….try not to shout it or say it with malice, or just simply leave the area until you’re cooled. They’ll probably come back and apologize so let it go and be ready to forgive them…and if you were mean, say sorry too. Don’t offer excuses, just say “I’m sorry”. If they don’t, and they are important to you, tell them that they hurt you and that you’d like an apology. If they refuse, forgive them anyways…it’s better for your heart.

Tell the truth
When you love someone, be it a friend, a family member or someone you’re engaged in a relationship with…tell the truth. Don’t hide things. It only creates barriers and makes them feel uncomfortable when they can obviously tell something is up. Be honest, and explain what you’re feeling and why you’re felling it. If you’re so bottled with emotion that you can’t talk about it…say “I can’t talk about it right now, I need to cool down” and leave it at that. Oh…and
GIRLS:::
PLEASE…explain yourselves in a simple way to men and in the process make sure you emphasize that they can’t fix it so let it go. Men want to fix things…when something is wrong they want to fix it with duct-tape or WD-40. Telling them that they can’t fix it and to let it go MIGHT help. Don’t expect men to understand where you’re coming from or why you’re running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Don’t say “Oh like you don’t know!” or “You know what I’m talking about!” ….it’s just safer and best to assume that they have NO idea what you’re talking about. Oh and you’re “time of the month” doesn’t really hold up as an excuse. You can’t just say “It’s my time of the month”…it’s better to say “I’m in a lot of pain right now and my emotions are a little wack… I just need some time to chill.” That will be really helpful from what I’ve been told by men. Also, most guys will chill down after a period of time (depending how bad it was) after a fight….so don’t expect them understand what you’re talking about when you come back and say “……well?….what have you got to say?” Some guys might hold a grudge, but they won’t show it like we do…it’s a totally completely utterly opposite sex and expect as much. Also, guys are really nice to talk to about things, if you find one willing to listen. They’re really quiet and just let you talk without comparing your problem with one of theirs. Just make sure you make it very plain what you want to talk about and how the conversation is going to go. Tell them “I need a sounding board, not a repairman”
BOYS:::
Women are insane. Get over it. To us, you are too. It would be really helpful if you could just nod your head and say “ok” whenever we get on rants about other women. It would also be really helpful if you pretend not to look at other women when we’re out in public. It might be strange to accept the phrase “It’s my time of the month” as a feasible excuse for exploding at any given minute even if you have no idea what it’s about….but it will help. Just say “Aw I’m sorry”, give us a hug, go buy some chocolate, leave it and the midol out on the counter where we can easily see it and just ride it out. Also, accept that we have other guy friends and that they don’t mean anything to us other than friends. Try your very best not to go caveman and club the other guys. Also, understand that we talk…a lot. Women talk about everything, it’s our coping skill. You do things, you fix things…we talk about things and go nuts. You land the plane on a straight lined landing…we circle a few times. Please don’t shut yourself up when you’re upset or unhappy either. We want to listen to you and we won’t tease you or anything like that if you talk to us. It would really help us understand you better if you gave the best of effort to explain things…and surprisingly…we might just understand. Just tell us “I need a sounding board, not an advice columnist.”

Make someone laugh everyday
Laughter is infectious. If you make somebody laugh, you’re helping their health….and eventually you’ll start laughing too. Tell a joke, or just say something funny. Do something outrageous. Say something completely random in the middle of a conversation. Make a sexual innuendo out of an inanimate object and give an exaggerated wink…if you don’t wink it’s not half as funny and it’s just awkward. When someone shakes your hand…give them a hug and say “It’s good to see you again Tony, ma’s been waiting for you to come around the kitchen some time” even if their name is totally not Tony and you have no idea who they are. Make a funny face and get them to join along. It’s incredibly fun.


Watching TV all day is a complete waste of time
For God’s sake read a book. In books you use your brain more, you get to create what the characters look like, what they sound like, what the scenery looks like, what it all is. It’s good for you, and you’ll find yourself more in tune with life and the things around you. A book you can put down and take with you places. You can share the story with others, and you’ll have a good time reading.

Keep a Journal
Your journal is something that you put your thoughts and impressions at the time on to paper. Journals are usually full of crap, but you’ll find interesting things in there and you can record your life. When you go back and read it you can see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve changed and you can laugh whole-heartedly about your mistakes and ridiculous nature.

Even though you read this, you’re still going to make mistakes and do stupid things. It’s totally worth it.
You’ll have a terrific time later remembering it all, and you can pass on your wisdom to others. It’s fantastic; you can even laugh bitterly if you want…though I suggest laughing with joy. I can tell you everything I’ve ever learned….but you’ll need to learn it for yourself through experience…sorry. It’s being human.

Say the word “poop” at least once a month
It’s hilarious.

Whatever your passion is, do it
Don’t do things that other people want you to do, or what people expect you to. I had wonderful parents, they said “as long as you do your best, that’s all we ask of you”. I know most people don’t have parents like that. A lot of parents push their kids too much and their kids become what their parents want them to be. People push each other around Society, for that matter, pushes people around until they become what it wants them to be. As long as you’re not harming yourself or others… do what you want to do and fuck the rest.

In the words of Benjamin Franklin…“Fart Proudly”
Just don’t disturb other people or kill them with toxic fumes. I had a friend once….who said her greatest desire was to be able to stand up and say “WORLD…I HAVE TO FART”. Everyone farts, get over it. Gas has got to come out somehow. It’s hilarious too, so feel free to laugh.

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder…and the wise Beholder sees beauty in everything
Life is beautiful. Take time to see it. Beauty is from within and if you spend your life trying to find beauty from the outside you will waste your life on a fruitless search. I’m not saying this because I’m overweight and I think that if I tell myself over and over it’ll be true. It –is- true. One day you’ll wake up and discover, you’re beautiful too.

Music is emotion and life put to sound
Some pieces were/are composed because the composer has been commissioned to make it…but in each sound, each song, is a little bit of that person. Some times people have lyricists…but sometimes people write their own lyrics. If you stumble upon a song that has been written by the performer….take the time to sit and really listen. That is their life you’re listening to. That is their deeper self. That is their secret heart…and they are sharing it oh so cleverly by the manipulation of sound. Listen. When you hear an instrumental piece…listen to it several times. Each time you listen, I can guarantee you’ll hear something new and something surprising. In life there is music also. The world makes its own sound, its own music. The wind, the rain, people walking, people talking. The greatest music of all of these natural sounds is laughter, so make it often. You might discover your own secret heart, and learn something about yourself that you didn’t know.

Sing, dance, and make music
I don’t care if you don’t know how…if you’re “not very good”…if you’ve got two left feet…dance, sing and “make merry”. Singing is wonderful, music is relaxing and dancing is fun. Make up your own dances. Stick on your headphones and pop your hip and sing along. It’s great a great escape from the world. If you are embarrassed or shy…lock your bedroom door and jam!

Be genuine
No matter what you do or where you are….be genuine. Give life your all, you’ve only got one go around so, by God, make it a good go. Make it worthwhile for yourself, and others. It’s as simple as that.

Don’t expect everybody to be like you
You may do all of this, you may put your heart out you may be genuine and polite and do all of these things…but don’t expect it from other people. You’ll only be disappointed. People as a whole are selfish, easily frightened, mean, and very easily manipulated. A person can be these things too…so expect to be hurt occasionally, despite how much you pour out. Don’t let it eat at you though, because eventually you’ll meet people in your life who are like you, who do love and care.

Be patient
Work towards a goal, but don’t expect it to happen overnight…it’s impossible. Tell a person that they’ve upset you, but don’t expect them to immediately apologize. Don’t get mad at a child because they’re crying, ask them what’s wrong and listen to them. If they’re so hysterical that they can’t answer, try a different tactic. But don’t jump the gun and shout at them. It makes it worse and they don’t understand.

Killing yourself is never ever the answer
I’ve been there so I can say this without having the back lash of “HOW DO YOU KNOW?!” You might be thinking people won’t miss you. They will. You might be thinking life will be better off without you. It won’t, someone will hurt. You might be thinking that there is no other life than this and that it’s all gone to hell and there’s no way out so you might as well give up because no one cares. That’s not true, and it’s completely selfish. Put the idea out of your head, move on, and help others. You’ll feel a lot better.

Embrace people
Every human is a human. You’re one…so you know all about the silly things people do. Don’t despise them for it and shut the world out. You’ll end up lonely and miserable.

Say Sorry
When you’ve made a mistake…accept it. Say sorry. Don’t be stubborn or rude. Just say sorry…just do it and try to learn from it.

Death happens
Eventually everybody dies. There is no way around it, no way out of it. It just happens. Sometimes people die in tragic ways…but they die none the less. The first time somebody you know dies…it hurts like utter and absolute hell. It opens the floodgates of death realization. It is totally acceptable to cry, to shout, to scream, to be hysterical, to throw up, to pass out, to do whatever you desire to do in the fact of a person’s death. But don’t let that be the only thing you do. This life is exciting, and fun….but it also has sorrow and pain. Rejoice that they have left their capsule of a body and gone wherever it is they went. They’re no longer in pain, and perhaps their death spared them from an even greater pain. Their time, is their time. Eventually it will be your time. One day you’ll wake up and realize your own mortality. It will be like canoeing down a river…and suddenly hearing a waterfall. As you age, the waterfall becomes louder and louder. It’s there, it’s gonna happen…let it go and be happy. You’ve one life to life so make the best of it and make the best for other people. Don’t forget also…that death is the next great life and the biggest adventure.

Accept what you are
Accept that you are a human being prone to mistakes. Accept that you’ll never be perfect.
Accept that allergy to oranges and don’t get pissy when others eat oranges.
Most importantly…..and I cannot emphasize this strongly enough….
Accept your physical image. You can’t do anything about it until you accept it. Do you even know how amazing and unlikely your birth was? You body is a gift…don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t be embarrassed by it, embrace it. Embrace the imperfections; embrace your slightly larger left foot! Embrace your freckles, embrace your curly/straight hair. Embrace your blue/green/brown/whatever colored eyes. Embrace your skin color. Embrace your hair color. Embrace your weight. Embrace your height. Embrace every part about you and love it. Embrace the fact that you can’t wear pastels…they’re crappy colors anyways. Your body is a work of art…and it’s beautiful. The most fantastic part about it…is that it’s a –living- work of art. You can change it. If you don’t like your weight….accept it, and change it. I emphasize on weight because it’s a common problem. I don’t care if you’re obese, overweight, fluffy, fit, thin, skinny ect ect…don’t sit around and complain about it. Embrace the fact that you are what you are and move on to something better. It doesn’t matter what weight you are, what matters is…are you healthy? People at many different heights are at their peak health at many different weights…so don’t base it off of somebody else. LOVE who you are, and be happy in it. It sounds so easy to say…and it’s difficult to do. If you cannot at the time feel happy and beautiful about yourself….and you think that everyone thinks your ugly…remember this. I love you just the way you are.
…..and most importantly….
God knows you’re beautiful. No matter what you do, you are His treasure and His most precious. You are beautiful day and night, when you’re sick when you’re healthy, when you’re mad, when you’re sad, when you’re happy, when you’re laughing, when you’re tired, when you’re wild, when you’re down, when you’re up, when you’re lost, when you’re sure, when you’re what ever you are…God loves you just the way you are whenever you are. He loves you all the time, even if you don’t recognize it. When you’ve got snot running down your face and your hips are bloated and you’ve got cramps and you feel like absolute and utter shit….He thinks you’re gorgeous. When you’ve been sunburned and your face is all swollen and you’re like “I must look hideous”…He says “No, today you’re the most beautiful.” And He means it. You’re beautiful all the time to Him. So when you’re feeling alone and ugly and unloved…just remember that. Remember that God thinks you’re beautiful.




I believe that if everyone would do these things and people would embrace one another as they are, it would be a happy, generous, gentle, loving world we would live in. But I know that is not going to happen….so I’m only saying these things in hope that someone besides me will take them to heart and make it a little better each day. Perhaps I’m wrong about everything, perhaps I’m young. But I’ve had a long life despite my age and I think I’m right. I love you, and I hope I didn’t offend anyone with this.